BY NATE HOWARD
EASTERN PA DISTRICT TEAM
I was the new Pastor. I only had a few months under my belt at the church, but I had an idea for the upcoming elders’ meeting. Wanting to shape the way our church leadership would interact with each other, I brought up a semi-vulnerable thought to the elders: “Hey guys, I sometimes struggle with fear that I’m not living up to expectations, so it would help me if we could talk about how much time you anticipate I’ll give to visiting the sick and elderly in our church.”
The topic of conversation seemed easy enough. By leading the way, being genuine, being open, being a little vulnerable with a personal struggle, I hoped the leadership culture might begin to shift. I wanted to develop a safe environment where we, as leaders, could be honest and vulnerable, open with our lives. As it turned out, what I thought was a good idea didn't go so well.
As soon as I asked my question, I was met with an awkward silence. All the elders started looking at the floor—you could feel something was wrong. The unspoken message was, “We don’t talk this way in our elders’ meetings.” The tension quickly escalated when the honorary “elder-for-life” took charge, “Nate, let me give you the nickel advice” . . . pause for dramatic effect … “GROW UP!”
That was not the response I anticipated.
Once the influential elder spoke, I wasn’t surprised no one else was willing to chime in. Sadly, the interaction further cemented the culture of those elders—even simple vulnerability would not be tolerated. The new pastor had been corrected. The rule was firmly established: elders don’t talk about personal vulnerability and if you do, you will be punished.
I pastored that church for 22 years. From the vantage point I eventually gained, I realized a huge battle was being waged in that early elders’ meeting. Some of the battle lines became known with time. Believe it or not, at the time of that conversation, three of those eight elders were living in hidden adultery, and at least one other was masking a life-long addiction to pornography. Some of them might have been asking God, "Where can I turn to get free from this sin?” Sadly, the message they heard that night was clear: the elders of that church had to keep pretending and honesty about their lives would not be tolerated.
I had hoped that my leadership that evening would bring about a shift in the way the elders talked together. It didn’t happen, but if I had to do it all over again, I would do the same thing. Establishing a healthy leadership culture is worth the battle. We lost some of those elders, but others with time found they could finally speak honestly about their life, even their sin.
There are numerous reasons why it is challenging to lead in a way that embraces change. Some use the word ‘sabotage’ to describe one of those challenges, and that’s what I experienced in that elder meeting. The “honorary” elder was sabotaging my leadership because he knew he didn’t want the culture of the church to change. Frankly, he had way too many secrets going on in his life. He was fiercely committed to keeping them hidden.
Besides sabotage, there are many other reasons why leading towards change is challenging. Change means learning to say goodbye to what is in order to embrace what can be. Change often brings a sense of loss. Loss can trigger fear and control issues. It can also reveal complacency and apathy.
Sometimes, the challenges have to do with our own capability. Sometimes, we just lead poorly. At times the changes we are introducing lack wisdom. At those times, we are to be grateful for the pushback. We need to be challenged sometimes.
Then there are the ways change brings out deep fears within us, as leaders. As I lead, I’m too often afraid of:
- The anger I’ll experience from other leaders.
- The behind my back comments which may be made about me.
- The potential of a loss of my reputation or standing.
“One of the genuine crises of Christian leadership today,” according to Tod Bolsinger, “is how inward focused it is. A movement founded on the salvation and transformation of the world often becomes consumed with helping a congregation survive and stay together.”
So, given all the challenges, why would anyone sign up to lead towards change? That’s a subject for another blog but for starters, the glorious purposes Jesus has for His church make it worth it. And the way we leaders are the first ones changed is another.
For more about leadership that embraces the challenges of change, be sure to check out the Essentials podcast. Episode 6 is out this week. In it, we discuss more on the dynamics of leadership that embraces change.