BY SHARON HOwArd, EPD DISTRICT TEAM
After 42 years of marriage and ministry together, Nate and I are enjoying a meaningful season of marriage counseling due to some extended family challenges we faced during the pandemic. We are grateful for the new things He is doing in us, and we are watching God use our marriage relationship as a setting to experience Jesus’ ongoing transforming rescue work in us.
A question I have asked over the years is, “Where do pastors and wives find a safe place to talk with other ministry couples about the real, honest, challenges of their marriage?” Often it seems to be expected that a pastor and wife have it all together and they just need to listen and help other couples with their struggles.
That’s why I’m excited that for several years God has allowed our district to offer “Marriage Cohorts” as a development track. Our prayer is that all ministry couples in our district will know that it is good and healthy to invest in their marriage relationship and that there are safe places for them to process this area of their lives together. Transformation in us can bring more life and growth to those we lead.
This year 14 official workers and their spouses have gone through the marriage cohorts.
Here are a few highlights they shared about their experience:
“I think the highlight for me was the bonding with other people in ministry. There's a shared understanding of the unique stresses and joys of ministry that transcends what a lay person may comprehend from the outside looking in.”
“Pete often said, ‘What is said here, stays here.’ That confidentiality was very helpful to me.”
“The fellowship was good. I enjoyed sharing meals together, sharing life challenges, realizing we all have challenges, and praying for one another.”
“I think the highlight for us was being able to make new connections with other pastors and their wives and hearing some of their experiences.”
“It definitely was a conducive atmosphere for building community. The group was small and intimate. Being in my first vocational ministry role, I think that these connections and the discussions that we had are going to be great to draw upon down the road.”
“It reconnected us to several areas that we used to hold close but had allowed over time to slip away.”
Carl and Patty McGarvey and Pete and Ellen Cannizaro served as facilitators for our cohorts. Here are their answers to my questions:
Q: In what ways have the marriage cohorts blessed your marriage?
“Personally, I loved partnering with my spouse as we together envisioned what was needed for ministry couples to thrive in their marriage. We discovered in helping others we ourselves were helped. What others brought to light also brought things to light for us.”
“We anticipated we would make new friends and that is exactly what happened. It was refreshing to spend that much time with other ministry couples. We were all at different places but had the common experience of serving others as we served the Lord.”
“The regular times together gave a sense of rhythm to our schedule and became something we looked forward to experiencing each month.”
Q: What are celebrations you can share after two years of holding cohorts in your home once a month for six months?
“One of the things we saw God do was awaken some couples from the level of mediocrity they were settling for in their marriage. We saw trust build and steps of faith taken as people became free to share their stories and their journeys with each other. It was good.”
“The Lord healed some broken or strained relationships in extended families. There were steps of faith taken to be bold and try new things in the context of a safe affirming community of peers walking with them.”
Q: What would you say to ministry couples who are considering a marriage cohort?
“We went into the process with some trepidation. We have our own challenges, and we are still very much in process after 44 years of marriage. Coming into the light is always best and safe. That is what we experienced in two years of facilitating a cohort. We learned together with other couples. Let’s live in the light, and what more vital place to live that way as in our marriages?”
“One of the great gifts we can give those that we serve as pastors is a healthy, vibrant, fun-loving, and life-giving marriage. I have often said that if your church ministries are not going well, but your marriage is, you can persevere. But if your marriage is not doing well and your church ministries are, the potency of that perseverance isn’t the same!”
Final Encouragement
I would like to strongly encourage you as ministry couples to talk together about whether 2023 is a good time, along with others, to intentionally invest in your own marriage relationship. If interested, you can find more details here or see below to fill out an interest form.